What does it mean to be faithful? Is it just "not having done anything"? What is acceptable in society in this present world?

If I married guy tells a girl that he misses her and proposes to meet in some dark corner, is this acceptable? even if it is supposed to be a joke?

Originally posted by Upset gal:

What does it mean to be faithful? Is it just "not having done anything"? What is acceptable in society in this present world?

If I married guy tells a girl that he misses her and proposes to meet in some dark corner, is this acceptable? even if it is supposed to be a joke?

Please rephrase ur qns...Hard for me to understand.

Scenario :

Married guy to girl colleague - Miss you, shall we meet in some dark corner?

Questions :

1. Is this considered unfaithful to married guy's partner?

2. What if married guy "has not done anything"?

3. Can a 3rd party reading this take it to mean as a tease?

Originally posted by Upset gal:

Scenario :

Married guy to girl colleague - Miss you, shall we meet in some dark corner?

Questions :

1. Is this considered unfaithful to married guy's partner?

2. What if married guy "has not done anything"?

3. Can a 3rd party reading this take it to mean as a tease?

It depends on how you see it.

It can be taken as a sign of unfaithfulness as the married guy should not even say the words Miss you. This is misleading.

It could be he is playing a joke on the colleague.

Married guy has not done anything does not mean anything. He has already done something by sending the misleading sms, isnt it?

Like I said, it can be taken as a teast or some prank joke which can be ignored. If its just a one off case, maybe it is but if it happens more than once. Beware.

the way I see it .... a person who cheats on his spouse to be with you .... can cheat on you in turn again .... it's in his DNA ...

so don't even bother looking at married men, if he's willing to stray ... he will stray on you in turn ....

and if the one that you have strays .... you can cut off his pecker in the middle of the night, flush it down the toilet, and then kick him out of the house ...

so u the gal, not the wife ?

shldnt u know more the situation and judge it urself ? if its just a joke, then whats the problem ?

if its a half serious joke (the kind where the guy hopes to get lucky with it), then let the wife worry lah. 

Originally posted by Upset gal:

Scenario :

Married guy to girl colleague - Miss you, shall we meet in some dark corner?

Questions :

1. Is this considered unfaithful to married guy's partner?

2. What if married guy "has not done anything"?

3. Can a 3rd party reading this take it to mean as a tease?

from ur qns 1 and 2, u know the ans but u r trying to "justify" by stating he has NOT done anything. i believe u miss out the keyword "yet"...

qns 3, u said it urself.. it's a tease NOT a joke...

am the wife...dunno if i am over reacting

so how did u find out the msg ? 

does it matter?

Indulging in the forbidden fruits of pleasure will have its consequences.

just checking. cos if u peeked at his hp means u dont trust and respect his privacy mah.

if the girl shows u means she suspect something going on mah. 

anyway if back to the original question, what's faithfulness in marriage.. 

i believe as long as the heart does not stray from you, then faithful oledy. Be it flirt, be it tease, as long as the end of day, he's still yours, who cares ? 

Originally posted by Upset gal:

am the wife...dunno if i am over reacting

so u r trying to justify for ur hubby...

unless u r panaroid, something must have prompted u to check his sms... r thr basis for ur suspicions or are u truly over reacting...

if it's true, ask urself: wat's ur baseline? would u forgive and accept a flirting / straying hubby? wat's the min (or max) u can bear and live with?

wat is just a tease won't always remain as a tease...

I know there is no right or wrong answer....depending on how open one is to things. In spite of everything, maybe I am over sensitive, but no smoke without fire I think! It would be easy to confront with any evidence, but then my source will get compromised.

It seems that this is no big deal to him (he has not admitted having conveyed such a message) since I flipped another scenario to him and he says that because he trusts me, he did not think anything of my scenario ( I was shell shocked as I thought he would be upset!). During Mass 2 Sundays ago, we were reminded that sin does not reside only in physical aspects, the act of going to a red light district and looking at the girls is already sin in itself....I dunno, maybe our morale (or whatever levels) have become very different....

before the body strays ... the heart has already left .... sorry if it hurts ... but that's the truth ...

the only consolation you can get, is that perhaps you've married the wrong man ... a man who's predisposed to stray, would anyways ... a man who's not, would stay faithful regardless .....

maybe it's time to think of cutting your losses ....

having said that ... don't blame us men for staring at boobs and babes on the streets ... it's just part of our animal brainstem .... our eyes may rove sometimes, but most of us will still come back faithfully to the nest ....

Upset,

If that girl accepts the invitation. Will your husband reel in the fish ?

It is time both of you go for marriage counseling.

Originally posted by Upset gal:

I know there is no right or wrong answer....depending on how open one is to things. In spite of everything, maybe I am over sensitive, but no smoke without fire I think! It would be easy to confront with any evidence, but then my source will get compromised.

 

It seems that this is no big deal to him (he has not admitted having conveyed such a message) since I flipped another scenario to him and he says that because he trusts me, he did not think anything of my scenario ( I was shell shocked as I thought he would be upset!). During Mass 2 Sundays ago, we were reminded that sin does not reside only in physical aspects, the act of going to a red light district and looking at the girls is already sin in itself....I dunno, maybe our morale (or whatever levels) have become very different....

i assume both you are christians? being devoted christian does not mean the person is a perfect one. same as being devoted in other religions do not mean you are perfect too.

what i mean is you cannot use religion to judge a person behaviour or attitude. how long have you been married? are you aware of his past before marriage?

you have to be strong. your husband may think that you will never have the courage to leave him. thats why he has done things to hurt you. maybe you really dont have the courage, i understand its always not easy.

talk to your friends, your siblings. have their support. at least anything happens, you still have them.

Sorry, I did not intend to bring religon into this...the comment was meant as yet another reminder to us to be faithful... i realise that not everything said in church ensures 100% devotion or perfection neither I am using it to judge.

We have been married 15 years and as far as I know, he had a clean past before we got married. The other time I felt really hurt was some thing less than this, but I thought it was enough of an indication of how sensitive (or maybe jealous) I person I am. Similar to both occassions, I cried my heart out and we both just could not get a level headed conversation going.

In certain aspects, I am too narrow minded.... I have vowed that I will not utter the word "d------", I know my daughter gets hurt in the middle and I can't bring myself to speak in an open manner with family and friends.

Having said all these.....again, maybe I am too oversensitive and he truely means no harm at all. I guess from his standpoint, he has said repeatedly that he loves our daugther and me only and would not have excused himself from a business dinner last night if he was not flustered about it.

So confused! I hope I will be able to straighten out my thinking soon.....

where the dark corner?
pls be specific.

I didnt mean to say about the religions. just want to remind you that being religious does not mean a near flawless person.

i am not telling you to speak about the d word, of course. you may want to confide to your close ones, they may give you the support and good advice.

hope everything will be fine for you soon.

I dunno....somewhere in China I assume. Does it matter?

Originally posted by Upset gal:

I dunno....somewhere in China I assume. Does it matter?

dark corner = somewhere in China ?!?!?!?! ......

would you like to know a good lawyer ? ...

Hire a P.I to ascertain your worries. It doesn't portray the trust you should have in him but then again, why fake that you do when you did see something incriminating? Ask him nicely first. I know its hard but you need to be prepared for anything.

But then again, sometimes it does take something external for him to realize his marriage is a wonderful one. Unfortunately some people do learn the hard way. Religion plays a part but there's only so much God can do for you, and if you're familiar God gives us choices, so it really is up to your husband,  but a bad choice comes with a nagging conscience. I suggest you seek the help of a counsellor privately to keep your mind straight for the time being. Never bring religion into your confrontation or discussions because as long as something isn't tangible it won't gnaw as much into one's conscience especially if it turns out to be true, your husband would be too consumed in his own world and the last thing he bothers about is religion, which is obvious enough.

Take care of yourself, Upset. I know its hard but I need to tell you though, that jealousy doesn't manifest love, it just shows insecurity. But its not your fault that you care, after all you are married. Stay strong, sweetie.  

Hi Upset Girl,

I guess guys just love the hunt and perhaps your husband is one of those guys who just want to ji siao girls but nothing serious would come out of it. I'm attached but I also make fun of my colleagues and friends because we are comfortable with one another. Our jokes don't go beyond "missing" each other and "thinking" of each other. But, at the end of the day, it's just fun and games - harmless banter - we don't engage in anything physical or sexual; only joking. No mention of hotels, dark corners or any such conotations.

From my own standpoint, if the joke gets out of hand, I would probably apologise to the girl and tell her that our jokes got out of hand and draw the line.

Do you notice any difference in your husband's behaviour of late? Maybe it's just his way of trying to "de-stress"? Maybe you should just observe him for a while and have a good talk with him. I believe that communications is very important in every relationship. Sometimes, even the slightest misunderstanding can result in something catastrophic.

Good luck and God Bless!

being faithful for 15 yrs doesn't mean he'll cont'd to be for the next 15 yrs...

tis is not just a tease and much less a joke... thr's nothing funny abt asking a gal to go to a dark corner... think wat? testing torchlight or something?

stay calm and have a good talk with him. even if u dun talk abt the sms, talk abt ur insecurity... tat would be a hint to him tat u r not totally ignorant... save ur marriage b4 it's too late...

as i said, know ur baseline...