I met my first love 5 years ago. Up till now, I have not forgotten about him even though we did not officially meet up for the past 4 years. But we did bump into each other on the streets before.

It happened when I joined my first company after I graduated form poly. A colleague introduced him to me. He was working in the same company as well. At that time, he had broken up with his gf for about a year but had not gotten over her. Things started off pretty normal between us. We went out, chatted a few times on the phone and exchanged smses. I treated him like a frd that time and was very concerned about him because he seemed to be torned after the breakup. Love was the last thing on my mind because I thought that I can never fall in love with a much older man like him (he was 9 yrs my senior).

During the times when we were out together, he did say that his colleagues brought him to nightclubs/ktvs and I actually found out that he had been misleading girls and telling them that he likes them and want to be their bfs. The colleague who introduced us also told me that he heard that he had been frequenting those places. At first, I only felt sorry and sad for him because I know he must have been too hurt and crushed from his previous relationship. I asked him about his previous relationship and he said that his ex left him for an insurance agent she knew after meeting up twice. She did not break up with him but passed the message through his sister. She also told him that even if her relationship with the new guy did not turn out well, she will not return to him, citing the reason that he had been insensitive/inattentive towards.

As you would have anticipated, I gradually and unknowingly fell in love with him. I think he felt it and kept his distance. I asked him about it and he said he was afraid that he is treating me as a substitute. I appreciated his honesty and respect his decision. So I avoided him as well. But we continued to sms each other.

However, as times go by, I felt I had fallen deeper in love. Once, I tried to call him to talk about us but he avoided my call. From there, I tried to save myself by withdrawing. After some time, he smsed me again. I ignored him but he persisted. Then we came back into contact. This happened a few times. We seemed unable to break away from each other or maybe I was jus weak and he was just lonely. There was once for about a year or two, I managed to ignore him completely. He continued to sms despite not having any response from me. He went  to the extent of pretending to be his frd and msged me using another number. Initially, I did not suspect anything. The "frd" asked about my feelings towards his frd and I naively revealed that I did like him a lot but he will never get to find out. The smses between me and him continued and one day I decided to stop contacting him as well because I felt that I like talking to him. I felt that it was very wrong of me to keep in touch with the frd of someone I like, behind his back. At the same time, I began to feel suspicious and check on the mobile number. To my horror, the number belonged to him. I was crushed. I told him that I can never trust him again.

The smses still came. Sometimes I would ignore them and sometimes I would just tell him to take care and forget about me. This year, my family shifted house. And we happened to shift to the block beside him. On the day of his birthday, I wished him thru sms. He asked me if I can still trust him. I told him that trust takes time. We resumed contact in the two weeks. One day, he asked me if I was interested to go on a short trip with him. I was happy but felt it was awkward at the same time but I did not asked him anything. After 2 weeks, I realised that he still did not take any action in wanting to meet up and catch up with him. I sent him an email telling him that he was still confused and probably he just felt bored and myabe that is why he chose to restrict our contact within smses. I also told him about how I felt about the trip.

He did not reply to the email. I asked to talk to him but he avoided my call again. From there, I changed my number and sent him an email to tell me that I have already changed my number and if we were meant to be, we would get to see each other again.

Weeks went by and we really did see each other on the streets. He emailed me to tell me that he saw me But I never replied him.

Can anyone make sense of his behavior?

It seems like he's playing around with your feelings. But it could also be due to his own insecurities, or other commitments that is making him keep a distance away from you.

Regardless, time wait for no man, or woman. My guess is you're around 25 years old, and you should really be moving on with your life/career. 5 years is a long time at the prime of your youth.

Consider giving yourself and other guys a chance to prove their worth, and you may find guy who is genuinely interested in sharing their life with you. If you are currently in another relationship, be fair to the guy and don't let your feelings stray.

cherry cola 1,2,3! =D

Oh, reminds me of Savage Garden's song, forgot the title.

Anyway, this is so ai mai, ai mai.

Why don't you guys stay as friends? Move on.

There is no mroe hope, dont give yourself false hope.

Originally posted by IR:

It seems like he's playing around with your feelings. But it could also be due to his own insecurities, or other commitments that is making him keep a distance away from you.

Regardless, time wait for no man, or woman. My guess is you're around 25 years old, and you should really be moving on with your life/career. 5 years is a long time at the prime of your youth.

Consider giving yourself and other guys a chance to prove their worth, and you may find guy who is genuinely interested in sharing their life with you. If you are currently in another relationship, be fair to the guy and don't let your feelings stray.

If he is keeping his distance, why ask me to go on a trip?

Originally posted by trendz:

cherry cola 1,2,3! =D

Oh, reminds me of Savage Garden's song, forgot the title.

Anyway, this is so ai mai, ai mai.

Why don't you guys stay as friends? Move on.

We can only decide if we can stay as frds aft we trash things out. I don't think we can be frds if there are a million qns at the back of my mind.

Originally posted by Pitot:

There is no mroe hope, dont give yourself false hope.

I know. Call me a dreamer.

Originally posted by cherrycola:

If he is keeping his distance, why ask me to go on a trip?

Simple, like I mentioned...it could be that he's just toying your feelings for personal gains. If he genuinely wanted to be with you, he'd have been more interested in your personal life.

Sorry to burst the bubble, but what if...he has other commitments in a rlsp that you do not know of? And only asked you out on a trip because that other person will not be there, or come to know of it?

Originally posted by IR:

Simple, like I mentioned...it could be that he's just toying your feelings for personal gains. If he genuinely wanted to be with you, he'd have been more interested in your personal life.

Sorry to burst the bubble, but what if...he has other commitments in a rlsp that you do not know of? And only asked you out on a trip because that other person will not be there, or come to know of it?

As far as I know, he is not in a relationship.

I doubt he'd tell you even if he's in a relationship. Nonetheless, I respect your attitude and persistence...but is he really worth it? I just broke up recently with a girlfriend I had for 3 years..and I know how hard it is to let go. However, treasure your youth, and  you'll find your true love soon.

forget about him, come to me hahah

joking

try hanging out with babyboy.. snoopy and woodstock goes together..

anw.. u mean to say that for the past 4 yrs, u two din meet at all? just smses? and den ur family still suay suay move beside his block?

have u actually called him up? try to meet up face to face and thrash things out? ask him does he really want to start a relationship with u, or is he just fooling ard with ur youth/time?

he is 9 yrs ur senior, and i gather u are ard 24 plus minus now.. n if a 30+ man can only do so much as to play hide and seek with u and hope to get some results out of this, i think u will do better looking elsewhere..

Originally posted by purpledragon84:

try hanging out with babyboy.. snoopy and woodstock goes together..

anw.. u mean to say that for the past 4 yrs, u two din meet at all? just smses? and den ur family still suay suay move beside his block?

have u actually called him up? try to meet up face to face and thrash things out? ask him does he really want to start a relationship with u, or is he just fooling ard with ur youth/time?

he is 9 yrs ur senior, and i gather u are ard 24 plus minus now.. n if a 30+ man can only do so much as to play hide and seek with u and hope to get some results out of this, i think u will do better looking elsewhere..

Haha. I rememeber babyboy. I hope he is getting on well.

For the past 4 years, we did not meet at all just smses because we were pretty much like disappearing and appearing in each others' lives. He did try to call me up before but I persistently avoided his calls thinking that I can never trust him again.

Fyi, I am 26 this year and he is 35.

Originally posted by IR:

I doubt he'd tell you even if he's in a relationship. Nonetheless, I respect your attitude and persistence...but is he really worth it? I just broke up recently with a girlfriend I had for 3 years..and I know how hard it is to let go. However, treasure your youth, and  you'll find your true love soon.

Maybe he really ain't worth it but you know sometimes how the slightest hope lingers at the bottom of your heart...

Originally posted by cherrycola:

Haha. I rememeber babyboy. I hope he is getting on well.

For the past 4 years, we did not meet at all just smses because we were pretty much like disappearing and appearing in each others' lives. He did try to call me up before but I persistently avoided his calls thinking that I can never trust him again.

Fyi, I am 26 this year and he is 35.

den u should ask urself this.. do u want him in ur life? from there, u will know whether to look for him, or let this whole thing die off..

If he likes me, I definitely want him in my life. Because I know I like him. The problem is, he does not seem ready to have a heart to heart talk.

Originally posted by cherrycola:

If he likes me, I definitely want him in my life. Because I know I like him. The problem is, he does not seem ready to have a heart to heart talk.

but u shouldn't be avoiding him every now and then.. the next time he emails u or calls u, just respond.. at every available opportunity, get him to meet u and den u two can talk..

but if he is really such a wishy-washy guy, den i think u should reconsider ur options..

Originally posted by purpledragon84:

but u shouldn't be avoiding him every now and then.. the next time he emails u or calls u, just respond.. at every available opportunity, get him to meet u and den u two can talk..

but if he is really such a wishy-washy guy, den i think u should reconsider ur options..

Thanks purpledragon..... Maybe I will do just that..... But I have a feeling that I will get rejected. Can't understand why he has the courage to ask me to go on a short trip but not on a local date. sigh....

purple and cherry, u both know each other?

sialamak jie, haha u always refused his calls earlier on, every sane guy would get the msg that u're not just interested. surely u realize the reason he hasn't been calling u much is because of ur past actions? i mean the fact that he still smses u every now n then shows he still hasn't given all up.

some guys dun like to call or sms much, tho they'd think of the person alot, maciam me lah.

and also a short trip is much quality than a local date, why would u think otherwise?

so wat i think is wait for his calls then like purple said, kan zhe ban lor.

Originally posted by newcomer:

purple and cherry, u both know each other?

 

sialamak jie, haha u always refused his calls earlier on, every sane guy would get the msg that u're not just interested. surely u realize the reason he hasn't been calling u much is because of ur past actions? i mean the fact that he still smses u every now n then shows he still hasn't given all up.

 

some guys dun like to call or sms much, tho they'd think of the person alot, maciam me lah.

 

and also a short trip is much quality than a local date, why would u think otherwise?

 

so wat i think is wait for his calls then like purple said, kan zhe ban lor.

y will u say that i know her?

good luck to u TS..

dunno both of u know babyboy?

Originally posted by trendz:

cherry cola 1,2,3! =D

Oh, reminds me of Savage Garden's song, forgot the title.

Anyway, this is so ai mai, ai mai.

Why don't you guys stay as friends? Move on.

Yeah i agree with your opinion on this. Ai mai ai mai, like taiwan drama.

Also is the song 'to the moon and back'?

Just ask him out and clarify all your doubts. Ask him what is his fricking problem playing such games with you. If you can't get the answer you want, say goodbye to him.

There are other people that would appreciate you more than him

Originally posted by newcomer:

dunno both of u know babyboy?

aiyo..i was comparing their avatars la.. lol..

er... catch no balls... sorry me very stupid de...

hurhur

Originally posted by newcomer:

purple and cherry, u both know each other?

 

sialamak jie, haha u always refused his calls earlier on, every sane guy would get the msg that u're not just interested. surely u realize the reason he hasn't been calling u much is because of ur past actions? i mean the fact that he still smses u every now n then shows he still hasn't given all up.

 

some guys dun like to call or sms much, tho they'd think of the person alot, maciam me lah.

 

and also a short trip is much quality than a local date, why would u think otherwise?

 

so wat i think is wait for his calls then like purple said, kan zhe ban lor.

I dunno purple. haha....

He knew that I avoided his calls and smses because I couldn't trust him anymore.

I agree that a short trip is more quality than a local date. But my question is, would any sane guy ask a gal to go on a short trip when he has not met up with him for the past 4 years? Does he not anticipate any awkwardness?

He would not be able to call me again because I changed my number and told him that he wun be able to reach me anymore. When we subsequently bumped into each other on the streets, he emailed me and I did not reply.